It’s not every day that the world’s most famous grandmother feels shut out of her own grandson’s wedding plans, but that’s exactly what happened in the lead-up to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s headline-making 2018 nuptials. The late Queen Elizabeth II, the epitome of poise and protocol, was left standing outside looking in when Harry and Meghan commandeered the show on their wedding day and the repercussions were as sensational as any royal observer could have dreamed.
Royal biographer Sally Bedell Smith says the Queen’s disappointment went beyond being excluded from the wedding planning. It was personal. Lady Elizabeth Anson, the Queen’s first cousin and a close friend who was renowned in society as a legendary party planner, was usually the monarch’s sounding board. Anson, who died in 2020, disclosed the Queen was “really upset” when she became aware that Harry and Meghan were planning their wedding without her. Actually, Lady Elizabeth revealed to Bedell Smith, “She said she is not at all content,” following Harry’s assurance to her that his grandmother was not upset with their decisions a declaration that was, it seemed, very far from the truth.
The tension wasn’t merely about who was running things. Royal wedding organization is full of tradition and hierarchy, and Harry’s choice to ignore the Queen’s preferred party planner and even to request the Archbishop of Canterbury to conduct the ceremony without first approaching the Dean of Windsor with the request was viewed as a significant protocol breach (a blatant breach of royal protocol). To the Queen, who had devoted her life to observing these traditions, these gestures were not merely snubs rather, they were indications of a widening chasm.
Behind palace doors, the drama did not end there with the seating arrangement. The Queen was said to have been vexed by the increasing tension between Meghan and Princess Catherine. As Lady Elizabeth explained, That is what the Queen said, particularly about the two girls. There were rumors of controversy about Princess Charlotte’s wedding dress and other wedding arrangements, with sources labeling Meghan and Kate as “independent-minded women from the real world” who were at odds with palace expectations.
One of the most revealing moments was when, at a pre-wedding tea, the Queen asked to see Meghan’s wedding dress. She was met with silence. Meghan would not even hint, leaving the monarch in the dark as to one of the most eagerly anticipated facts of the royal wedding. The transparency deficit was a stark contrast to royal protocol, where even minute details are traditionally revealed within the family fold.
And then, of course, there was that ten-minute February 2018 chat, where Harry was said to be “rude” to his granny a moment that left the Queen “very worried” about the whereabouts of her grandson. Lady Elizabeth then commented, Harry has blown up his relationship with his grandmother. She said she was really upset. I was shocked when the Queen told me this, how she was so saddened. I had no idea about the conversation, that he was rude to her for 10 minutes.
Lady Elizabeth Anson’s part in all this can’t be exaggerated. Being the Queen’s friend and being a Commander of the Royal Victorian Order, she was guardian of the royal secrets and bystander to the emotional cost these events took on the monarch. Her frank comments “We hope but don’t quite think she is in love. We think she engineered it all” are a rare glimpse into the personal uncertainty surrounding Meghan’s motives and the future of the Sussexes.
Even as the wedding day drew near, the Queen’s concerns remained. She is said to have intervened during a heated menu tasting when Meghan clashed with one of the caterers, reminding her, “Meghan, in this family we don’t speak to people like that”.
Although patched up in time for the wedding, the fissures in the royal institution were evident. The Sussexes’ ultimate relocation to the United States and their withdrawal from royal duties were, to many royal insiders, the predictable outcome of these nascent tensions.
Lady Elizabeth Anson’s legacy as the Queen’s go-to advisor and party planner is a testament to the power of tradition, discretion, and family harmony within the royal compound a world where even the slightest slight can reverberate for decades.
