The notion that family always comes first can be a bedrock reality until politics gets in the mix. For Cheryl Hines, it was one of the things she loved about marrying into the Kennedy family. But over the past few years, she’s seen that foundation crumble in public, and she’s calling it “disappointing.”
On “CBS Mornings,” the actress explained the emotional strain of watching her husband, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., publicly assailed by his own family members for his presidential candidacy and politics. “I always thought the Kennedy family, one of their virtues was that family came first, and I admired that,” she said. “So when some of his family decided to — there’s no other way to say it — attack him publicly, it was disappointing.”
A number of prominent Kennedys have disassociated themselves from RFK Jr., denouncing his anti-vaccine skepticism and his independent White House campaign. Caroline Kennedy, President John F. Kennedy’s daughter and U.S. ambassador to Australia, referred to his opinions as “dangerous,” stressing the family’s “greatest admiration for the medical profession in our country.” Four other family members Kathleen Kennedy Townsend, Rory Kennedy, Kerry Kennedy, and Joseph Kennedy II signed a letter cautioning that his campaign was “perilous for our country.”
The divide has even caught matriarch Ethel Kennedy by surprise. Hines remembered her husband explaining to his mother his plans for the presidency, only to have Ethel inquire which of his siblings were volunteering on the campaign. “He said that they’re not working on it and some are opposing him. And she was very surprised,” Hines said.
But the pressure hasn’t remained within the family. Hines acknowledged that entering the political limelight alongside her husband at a cost in friendships. “I have a few friends, when Bobby stepped into the political arena, it became too difficult emotionally for them to stay close,” she explained. “And I understand it.”
Her experience reflects what is happening to many Americans during a period of extreme political polarization. Polls indicate that almost 80% of individuals have “just a few” or no friends on the other side of the political divide, and that both sides harbor hatred. As experts point out, political beliefs are becoming moral absolutes, which makes reconciliation more difficult.
However, relationship experts emphasize that political differences need not be relationship-killers. Etiquette adviser Anna Post points to the fact that it’s not the differences between people but “how you choose to bridge them” that decides if bonds hold. Psychologist Tania Israel, a facilitator of workshops on cross-political discussions, suggests “a little more listening to understand, a little less trying to convince, and a lot more intellectual humility.”
A few couples and families have learned to live with each other despite differing beliefs. Mary Matalin and James Carville married political advisors from different parties attribute their success to respect for each other and a shared passion for civic life. I respect his politics. He’s not right, but not being right doesn’t make him the wrong man for me, Matalin has stated. Carville repeats much the same, saying they “agree on plenty of other things” and emphasize what they have in common.
Tactical measures may reduce the emotional heat in politically fraught relationships. Specialists recommend removing politics from social media, where tone and subtlety are easily misplaced, and taking it to face-to-face interactions. Establishing boundaries such as resisting discussing certain subjects can maintain intimacy. And, says therapist Sharon Rivkin, things that make people recall what really counts can put priorities back in alignment with guarding relationships rather than having to win an argument.
For Hines, the public aspect of her case creates an added dimension of complexity. And her willingness to talk candidly about the pain and to accept the humanity on all sides reminds us that for all such families, no matter how celebrity-studded, the struggle to balance politics and love is intensely personal.
